Purposeful Stories

November 2023

When my colleague and I decided the theme for the November edition of our newsletter, both of us were super excited. During the process of writing and while researching, a random thought struck me. I casually asked myself this question: ‘When was the last time I listened to someone attentively’?

The question hit me hard – no less than a mini-jolt. Do we really listen? Do we care enough to listen? Later, another thought struck: ‘When was the last time someone really listened to me’?

Both queries motivated me to delve deeper into the subject and discover the beauty of the art of listening.

Close your eyes. Just for a couple of seconds. Now ask yourself the same question that I’d asked myself. When was the last time you listened to someone attentively with the aim to understand, and without an uncontrollable urge to respond or to argue endlessly to make an impression during a conversation?

Take your time. Think about it.

Listening is one of the most fundamental and powerful communication skills that human beings should not only acquire but also master. Sometimes, listening could be far more important than writing, speaking, and reading.

Perhaps, we should listen twice as much as we speak.

But why is listening so important? What is the art of listening all about? How can one work on becoming a devoted listener? And why should one bother about being a good listener?

5 Reasons Why We Should Be Listening More…

Mastering the skill of listening can be a game-changer for everyone, more so for business leaders and for those working in the communications industry. Here are some reasons why all of us should enhance our capacity to listen and pay more attention to this ignored aptitude:

In today’s fast paced era, you’d agree that most of us are engaged in a “dialogue of the deaf”. Many want to be heard but do not show a similar passion for listening. There is great power in listening. In the business industry, performance feedback or appraisal plays an important part in enhancing learning and improvement. But does a leader’s possible bias play a role in assessment of co-workers? Is there a possibility that some workers see negative or positive feedback differently and assume that the employer is somewhat judgmental in evaluation? This could change if the communication channels between the two sides remain open and more listening takes place from both sides to improve the entire process of performance feedback.

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Effective listening is essential, especially for those at the leadership level.

Journalist Kate Murphy, a New York Times contributor, in her book You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing & Why it Matters argues that communication in the age of smartphones has been reduced to “shaping the narrative” and “value is placed on what you project, not what you absorb”. Listening to one another and talking to each other enables us to meaningfully engage, empathise, and develop a bond of understanding as human beings.

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The real magic lies in listening more and talking less.

When we do not listen to people and only want to assert our viewpoint, we wittingly and unwittingly end up isolating our colleagues, friends, relatives, and even our close family members. In the United States, psychologists and sociology researchers are warning of an “epidemic of loneliness” in the absence of listening. Being lonely does not only mean physical isolation. You can feel alone even when surrounded by a lot of people. The real problem is when people feel disconnected even in a crowd. In a 2018 survey involving responses of 20,000 American citizens, almost half were of the view that they did not have someone trustworthy who’d listen to them.

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Virtual interactions are a norm in today’s work environment. Like many other places in the world, virtual interactions have dealt a blow to in-person interactions in India, too. Many have openly spoken about mental health problems due to excessive screen timing. The digital age has a lot to offer in terms of unprecedented connectivity and learning, but the decrease in human interaction adversely impacts our work environments in the 21st century. Navigating this decrease in in-person interaction in the digital era should be  something we pay attention to with more active  listening. 

In conflict-torn regions, the deadlock and hardening of positions is often a direct consequence of not listening to each other. Constant rejection of dialogue adds more complexity. However, dialogue is always better than a deadlock. Putting aside one’s fear and anticipation allows parties in conflict to listen to critical and conflicting views, and presents an opportunity to at least try and understand the other point of view.

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Psychologist Carl Rogers once remarked in an article that when speakers sense that listeners are being compassionate and non-judgmental, they tend to share their innermost feelings without worrying about what the listeners will think of them. This paves the way for candid dialogue and larger understanding besides a safe space to delve deeper and discover new insights about individuals who are usually in conflict, politically or ideologically.

Listening to yourself also holds the key. In a pressure cooker situation, we often put blame on ourselves and our default is to self-loathe. We call ourselves dumb, foolish, incompetent, unintelligent, or worse! 

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It is essential not to undervalue your own voice. 

OK, so we need to listen more. What are the different ways and means to develop our faculty to listen?

5 Ways to Enhance Our Capacity to Listen…

If you are not there during a conversation, you become a victim of  ‘removed listening’. Avoid it. During professional communication, removed listening can make people feel insulted and not given due attention that they expect.

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Make efforts to listen to your grandparents and kids at home. This will prepare you better to be an effective listener on the professional front as well. 

Listening is the backbone of communication. Try increasing your listening habit by being an active participant in a conversation. Your verbal communication and non-verbal cues will be of great help to make any conversation meaningful.

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As an active participant, you can ask open-ended questions which will further improve conversations and allow you to absorb more. In the process, you will start mastering the art of listening.

Sometimes, being silent is also a good way to become a good listener. Embracing silence without feeling an urge to speak is one of the ways to improve your listening skills.

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Taking time to listen to others is an act of kindness and offers comfort to the speaker that they are being heard with respect.

Hearing and listening are not the same. Be open minded, non-judgmental, maintain eye-contact with the speaker, do not interrupt, and allow yourself time to understand a speaker’s point of view.

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Being a compulsive talker is a recipe for disaster. Many clamour to be heard, wanting all the attention in the world without realising that enhancing capacity to listen is essential. That is where the role of radio in helping you become a good listener cannot be underestimated.

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Cultivating a media habit to tune to radio or, these days, a podcast will improve your art of listening, as radio announcements, current affairs programmes, talk shows, debates and live commentary of sports events have different tone modulation, pitch and effects. 

Once you appreciate the fact that listening is central to communication and work to develop your listening skills, you will also come to realise that listening comes in various other forms as well.  

Contrary to a widely held belief that celebrities or hugely successful people, especially in the film industry, are haughty and not humble, we have a story to share. Poorva Joshi, who heads the content vertical for Gnothi Seauton, shares this on Bollywood actor Shahrukh Khan’s attention to detail as a devoted listener….

SRK and the Art of Listening

Apart from establishing himself as quite the charmer, Shah Rukh Khan’s biggest achievement perhaps is his ability to listen.

I am not a typical SRK fan. Certainly not in the ways people generally identify as aficionados. I won’t stand in a queue to watch the first show of the first day of his new movie. I might not follow his Ask Me Anything on X (previously called Twitter). Yet, I am his fan. Here is why…

For me, it began with an interview I did with The Viral Fever’s Biswapati Sarkar in 2016. I interviewed him only a day after he shot a video with SRK. “He is unreal to work with. And I mean that in the best of ways. He came on set, and said hello to everyone – even sat down with one of the light guys and spoke with him for a good 20 minutes. Never mind the set that was waiting. He asked the guy how he was, how his mother was doing and gave him a hug before we started shooting,” Sarkar told me.

The sensitivity SRK brought to his conversation, Sarkar added, and his singular ability to make those around him the only persons that mattered on this planet is unique. “Everyone was only smiling that day on set. And I am sure that wasn’t just because the script was hilarious” he asserted.

During the controversy surrounding SRK’s son, Aryan Khan, noted singer Chinmayee Sripada came to the actor’s defence while recounting an incident from the music launch for Chennai Express. Recalling SRK’s appreciation for her singing talent and the kind gesture of making a long phone call to her mother, the singer tweeted: “He (SRK) made her (Sripada’s mother) feel like the most special being in the entire world.”

Being a superstar is not easy – your actions, words and even the attire you wear are statements that are under scrutiny. There’s a pattern here, surely. How, then, do you stay grounded in reality? For SRK, it’s the choice to listen. To lend his ear, and for the precious moments, he spends with anyone, making them feel heard and understood.

Even David Letterman put a stamp of approval to this fact about SRK. Now, if you’ve convinced Letterman, it must be true!

SRK’s ability to feel the pulse of his fans is also visible as we notice the acting choices he makes and his flexibility to experiment more in comparison to other film stars. He’s now played a dwarf, a vigilante, a shrink, a coach and a spy to name a few. And this was immediately after some critics had gotten weary of his ‘chocolate boy’ image, well in his 40s, and had all together written him off for the same.

Listening, for SRK, is a choice for image and longevity. What separates SRK from the rest and keeps him relevant across generations is his gifted communication skill: Listening. He listens to make everyone around him feel very special!

Listening can never be too late

'“Son rises to listen”

Bishen Singh Bedi, a legendary cricketer who finished with 1560 first-class wickets, passed away on 23 October 2023 at the age of 77 years and 28 days. Bedi wanted his son, Angad Bedi, to become a good athlete. However, Angad was interested in acting and films. The senior Bedi, while respecting his son’s career choice, still wanted him to work on his fitness and become athletic regardless of his ultimate vocation. Angad, aged 40, made his debut in racing in Dubai. After participating in a 400 m race during the International Masters 2023 in the United Arab Emirates, Angad won a gold medal. He dedicated his win and the medal to his late father. He remembered his father’s words and ensured that he was listening to his father even when the latter was no longer present in the world in a physical sense. On 29 October, Angad scripted history as a debutant sprinter.

“My father always said keep your head down and let your actions speak. I have been deeply inspired by his wisdom. I’m competing in this race because that’s what my father would have wanted. It’s my way of honouring him and his legacy. Sportsmanship is in my blood…,”

Angad told Times of India.

In the end, let me ask you to perform one simple action. Touch your ear lobes. Open your mouth. How many ears do you have? How many tongue(s)? The essence lies in the answer. We have two ears so that we can listen more. We have only one tongue. So, we should speak less. And whenever we speak, we do so with a sense of responsibility.

That is, indeed, your takeaway!

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The latest episode of Gnothi Seauton's 'School of Purpose' taps into the pivotal importance of life skills in our daily lives. Our special guest, Arjun Bahadur, Lead of the Life Skills Collaborative, enriches the conversation with his invaluable insights and helps us explore the indispensable role that these vital skills play in shaping not just our individual growth but also in contributing to the fabric of our interconnected society.